"Comparison is the Thief of Joy"... But What is "Joy"?

After graduating, we all set out on our own paths.

Now that it’s almost been a year since my graduation, I can tell you with confidence that comparing yourself to others starts to make less sense over time. Eventually, it becomes easier to stop comparing yourself altogether.

Just two weeks ago, I attended my friend’s housewarming party.

Although I’m really proud of my friend, I couldn’t help but think that maybe I should also start thinking about buying a house soon.

But the more I thought about it, the less appealing it felt to me.

Not because I don’t want to own a house, but because right now, it’s simply not something I’m interested in.

To me, my 20s are a time for exploration, not discovery.

And what that means for me is travelling and using my money for experiences rather than life-commitment purchases like a house.

But for my friend, they already know what they want and are in a position where they can afford it.

They know they want to get married someday and have kids.

... whereas I don't really know my answer to that yet hence why I travel lots ;)

Both paths are right. “Right” in the sense that they feel right for our individual timelines.

But how do you even know what’s right for you?

In all honesty, I still don’t.

Maybe next year, something will change my mind and I’ll shift my priorities to something closer to my friend’s. But one thing I do believe is that joy is not the same as happiness. To me, joy is satisfaction.

Satisfaction to me is understanding that you can still want more from your current situation, and yet appreciate it at the same time.

Comparison isn’t necessarily evil or wrong either.

I think comparison, when used in moderation, can actually fuel motivation because it allows us to become more present. It helps us recognize our current situation while also showing us where we want to be.

Some people might call that admiration. But however you choose to phrase it, I think it’s important to understand that the world is colourful and bright because other people, with their own lives, stories, and lessons, exist alongside us.

Think about it.

How monotone would life be if we all had the exact same goals and stories?

I think it’s completely natural to compare ourselves to others, but not to the extent where we become self-deprecating.

So what’s my secret sauce?

I ask myself these questions:

• Is this something I genuinely want?

• What is something I already have that I once wished for?

• Were they born with privileges that made it easier for them to achieve their goals? (This could include race, gender, socioeconomic status, connections, or financial support.)

  • This isn’t meant to minimize the hard work behind their achievements, but rather to ground yourself in reality. You can’t fairly compare yourself to someone who started from a completely different place than you did.

• Is this something I can realistically achieve? If yes, what did they do that I can learn from?

• What feels like a missing piece in my life right now?

After each question, ask yourself “why” at least three times.

For example:

“My friend bought a house.”

Is this something I genuinely want?

“Yes, but not right now.”

Why?

“Because I don’t currently have the financial capacity to sustain that lifestyle while also funding the travel experiences I want to have in my 20s.”

Sometimes you’ll discover your real answer after the first “why.” But if not, keep going. Eventually, you’ll start uncovering your true values, priorities, and goals.

That's what I've been doing every time I catch myself compare myself with others.

I find that the more I ask myself these questions, the sillier I sound comparing myself with others and I'm back to reality, and more focused on my own timeline but with new pieces of want that feed my motivation to keep going.

If this is something you try out, I'd love to know so please leave a comment down below! Or, if you have another recommendation for others, please comment that as well :)

Wishing you the best on your own endeavours!

With care,

Samantha Iligan